I thought he was around here somewhere.
All I’ve got is this gigantic kid in my living room.
Excuse Me, Has Anyone Seen My Baby? July 3, 2007
Island Living June 27, 2007
We couldn’t have been more thrilled to be heading back out to the Island.
Mad Spent two years commuting the daily ferry to get to school. There was something about being removed from the city. It was almost like traveling back in time of our own childhoods of exploring and walking to school without the persistence of the city’s hustle and bustle.
The island is quiet and calm. The only sounds come from the nature that surrounds the school and a trip on the summer solstice is a perfect example.
We headed out for the summer celebrations and year end graduation. It was utterly amazing to see Mad and her friends so grown up. Mad was the size of Baz when she started and now she and her friends are real kids.
Surprisingly, only a fraction of the children that attend the school actually live on the island but the entire group is family all the same. Next year most of the kids of Mad’s group will disperse throughout the city with the promise of staying in touch. I’m sure we will all try our best.
God, they grow up fast.
Swan Gazing June 2, 2007
We are very fortunate to live right by the water. It steps us away from the bustle of the city and gives us no excuse to pass up a breezy evening stroll.
As it was, it seems we weren’t the only family down by the water. This time of year is just brimming with new life.
There is an abundance of nature, from pussy willows, robins eggs and signets.
All too often I get absorbed in elbows on the table, cleaning up messes and getting to school on time. Not only do we have this resource but using it as a reminder that just a trip to the park or a walk around the block, taking the time to walk slowly and look down is really fun for them… and me.
This parenting thing doesn’t have to be all work. I need to remember that.
Spring March 26, 2007
So we made it through the winter and to celebrate I decided to have another birthday.
Pretty spectacular, going to bed in freezing temperatures only to be woken up with a torrential thunderstorm and purple pancakes. The days high climbed to near summer temperatures as the clouds cleared out. The weather certainly created a nice analogy to me beginning my new year.
Mad decided to join into the tradition and demand the day off from school. As J and I began the practice, we were happy to oblige. We hung out as a family and planned my “party”. Naturally the highlight for the kids was anything to do with cake.
So my day is done. She’s next. The countdown is on to plan her half-decade bonanza celebration.
However will we outdo ourselves this year?
Greatest Grampa February 5, 2007
It’s my grandfather’s 84th birthday today.
This is Mad and Baz’s great grandfather and fittingly they (Mad) call him “Greatest Grampa”.
Every visit they marvel at how big Mad has gotten since the last visit, how wonderful a “baby” Baz is and Mad usually nags for Greatest Grampa to play his “humonica”.
If you ask me, my grandfather is a genius. He has an sixth grade education and absolutely knows EVERYTHING. He knows how to build houses, drive amphicars make maple syrup and play virtually any underplayed instrument. (Harmonica, acordian, spoons…)
He calls Mad and Baz Papoose and Pollywog repectively and Mad loves going up there, just as I did when I was a kid.
Mad loves to play there and Greatest Grampa is always thrilled to see the kids. Mad is totally cool with his sense of humour and not a trip will go by without her asking for a tune of sorts from one of his many instrumental talents. He almost always obliges and Mad will often join in by dancing or playing her own “humonica” she proudly got for Christmas last year.
We say it every time we leave. We have to go up there regularily. It’s such a gift to have my grandparents in our lives and even more so to watch my children exprerience, appreciate them and create their own memories.
Happy Birthday Grandpa, you really are the Greatest!
Separation Anxiety January 18, 2007
I’m off to meet J in San Francisco. He’s been away for the past week on business. The fact that neither of us have ever been to San Francisco before, it’s topped our list of one of the places needed to visit. Besides, we haven’t been on a trip for over 5 years, it might to us all some good for me/us to get away.
Needless to say I won’t have to worry about leaving my heart in San Francisco, the kids have kept it at home.
It was hard to leave them. As I packed them in the car to head off for their weekend of fun and excitement with G&G I couldn’t help but drop a few tears. Surprisingly they were completely unaffected by the transition. Baz barely noticed as I kissed his face wet but did utter, “Bye, Ma-Ma” and went back to his book. I had to tap on Mad’s window just to get any acknowledgment of her departure. Engrossed in her own book she forgot to look up, but did hold up her hand in a royal gesture as they pulled from the driveway.
And then, for the first time in years, I was childless.
The Fork In HWY 2007 January 1, 2007
I have had a series of resolutions, hasn’t everyone?
Quit smoking, sugar, alcohol. Eat better, exercise, drink more water, do yoga. Write a book, go back to school… blog every day.
What I found this year may be a bit of a contrast to the past. I’m pledging to take myself less seriously. This being a palindrome year for me. Getting spun around I could go backward or forwards. I’m hoping now if I might run the race again, I’ll do it with a sneak peek at the course. I don’t have to run the hell out of everyone else. I think I might jog, walk maybe. Listen to the birds and stop at the park with my kids.
Someone famous, er Ferris, once said:
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”
Everything up until now has been a task and it hasn’t been much fun. Which I’m sure, doesn’t make me much fun for others. I’ve always been worried about something.
Well no more. Welcome 2007 – the year of free for all fun and excitement! Year of messy houses, last minute vacations and make believe.
Show and Tell – What’s a Kid to Bring? February 23, 2006
In this day and age of up and out doing it seems that Mad is constantly in search of something to bring for show and tell.
Apparently she’s been told a couple of times that what she’s offering up is unworthy of showing. Naturally this is heart breaking for her and although I can slightly see a bit of her teacher’s point when he commented that “suitable items” are only up for discussion. But who really is the judge of this stuff? I can understand that found rocks, twigs and other grabbed paraphernalia gathered along the walk to school may become tedious when you have a number of 3-4 year olds catching on but doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
What is show and tell really for? I always thought that is was nerve wracking to have to get up and talk… about anything, so to have my kid be discouraged from public speaking just because whatever book, or rock she’s brought is considered boring or unsuitable is disappointing.
I think that it’s magical that Mad not only what’s to share with others but that she’s willing and brave enough to do it.
Every book, rock and toy all have their story, it’s just up to us to listen.
The best I’ve seen and had to offer for suggestions at Show and Tell is what ever a child is interested in at the moment. What ever it is, even a child is sure to have a reason – even if they need a bit of prodding. Occasionally Mad finds money, where did she find it? Is it lucky? This past week we’ve found a cicada and a monarch butterfly, practically just outside our door, that’s pretty interesting but it was up to me to share with her what I knew about these particular insects so she could pass along what interesting tidbits stuck with her.
I don’t think it’s the show that’s as important as the tell. It’s about sharing and public speaking. It’s about encouraging our children out of the self conscious shadows that we as adults hang up. All this pressure about what to bring was even getting to me until I realized it was a excellent way to strike up a conversation with my daughter, and let me tell you, it is incredibly fascinating what you can learn from a child, if you only just listen.
Parenting 101 January 10, 2006
Admitted, I thought that I’d lost my mind again, headed for the tearful pool of depression, (see you in 2007) but in my last few hours of reflection upon Mad’s return to school I’ve realized I’m more in need of a hug, a nap and some parenting reform.
Yesterday brought the 2 hour return of “Special School” and with it awoke the beginning of sanity. When Mad came home we played together and I tried not to freak about the little things. I think that we had an all around pretty good day. We had an outing to the park and she was angelic while we ran errands. She even ate dinner like a champ, gobbling up broccoli and cauliflower (albeit au gratin) BEFORE all the pasta on her plate. I did get frustrated during her 2nd helping when the food began to splat on to the floor as she went goofy. J protective as always, whisked her away for a bath, as I pouted about my outburst. He gave me a kiss and told me that I was too hard on myself. I started to cry.
Mad tried everything to stay awake with J, but as usual once her security blanket *me* arrived as back up, she cuddled in and surrendered to her exhaustion. I realized something that I think I’ve known since she was first born but I’d never put the two together: Mad and I are sooo much alike it’s scary. We’re drawn to eachother, we feed off of eachother, we need eachother. Now knowing this I hit the internets because what I also need is some parenting upheaval. I need some tactic in my back pocket. I need to learn what kind of mother I really want to be.
For many things, I am what I am. I am too hard on myself. I am a bit of a crazed idealist. I LOVE my kids, “without shortage”. I am emotional and I’m strict with behaviour and my high expectations of people – specifically Mad.
So I found the books The Indigo Children and Raising Your Spirited Child.
What can I say? I couldn’t find “Don’t Be An Overbearing Bitch-Mom”, but this is a start.
Maybe I could still write that one, the title is still available. All kidding aside, I’m still hoping not to craze the smile from Baz’s face so I’ll take any suggestions.
Resolution # … (I have no idea) CHANGE.
Kookoo January 8, 2006
So, we swore off all candy post Xmas and I’d resolved to be more positive along with patient but after she tried to squish Baz’s head into an oval yesterday, I screamed, she cried and declared that one must “kill mommy”.
I don’t know if it’s rivalry, post Xmas chaos, baby milestone envy or what but I figured that if I could handle a summer with her adjusting to a newborn this 2 week break would be a snap.
As I laid in bed last night (this morning), suffering from this bout of insomnia that I just don’t like, I thought… too much. I felt bad about yelling. I felt insensitive, immature and naturally that I’m fucking her up for life. (Thanks a bunch Dr. Freud.)
I started to fear going crazy again, and that kept me up for at least another 1/2 hour. I feel as if I’m running a constant battle of lunacy. It’s tough once you’ve been there before to make sure you don’t return. I have my own selfish reasons and I’m sure that J doesn’t want to go through it again but the big one is Mad. Sure, she was around for the first bout but this time she might just remember it. That should be reason enough to keep it together and I think it is, that’s why it’s so stressful when I can’t.
As I awoke not overly refreshed this morning but promised that today was a new day, a good day but by noon her suitcase was packed for a change of scenery at Grandma and Grandpa’s for some sleepover fun.
Mad seemed eager to go with them happily waving I could see her mouthing goodbye to Baz. After she left I was sad but relieved, hoping that a visit away allows us the breathing space necessary to reflect, obviously me a bit more than Mad.
In the evening we snuck away to a party at a friends house, the same friend who incidentally told me I try to hard to be the perfect mother and beat myself way too hard when I don’t even come close – but doesn’t everyone? The house was filled with kids, most of which had younger siblings hovering around the 1 year mark. ALL the parents seemed tired, anxious for a glass of merriment and a bit overwhelmed. It did occur to me that parenting two is twice as tough. It can be twice as rewarding but man! I thought I had most of my issues and parenting dilemmas worked out as Mad cruised through two. Ha. I was right to fear the dynamic changes from family growth except I was looking at it in the wrong way. It wasn’t about the entry of a new member it was how Mad and I would evolve with each other. I have no idea where to go with this revelation but I am relieved to know that I may not be as depressed as I thought I was becoming. Phew. It’s just mother daughter madness, Holiday stress letdown and a lack of sunshine.
So here’s another resolution (or two):
I’m going to go for a walk
& hug my daughter….
much, much more.
